I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
