I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How naked do you want me to be?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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