i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
