yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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