So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
