He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
