Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
