These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
