C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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