I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
