Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
