Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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