I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
