Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
