T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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