i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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