I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
