I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
