If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
