fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
