dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I came so hard my ears popped.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
