if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
