I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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