They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
