Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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