with your own penis?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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