Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
