I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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