i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
