Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
