there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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