How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
