I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
