Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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