Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
