My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
