3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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