my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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