I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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