i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
