Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Found the puke drawer
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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