OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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