Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
