i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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