Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize