i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
