It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
