The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
