i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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