he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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