i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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