Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
