my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
