NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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