Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
