So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
