Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
