Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
