Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
