I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
