Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
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At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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