when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
