i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
