you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
