Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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