"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
