Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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