No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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