You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
