if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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