i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
