yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
