So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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