i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
