so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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