im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize