yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
