Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
