That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Life is so much better after having sex.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
