I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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